This Day in Horror

21 October 2016

31 Days of Horror Day 21: All Girls Weekend 2016 - REVIEW

What woman wouldn't love a quiet little getaway weekend with their girlfriends? Besides me, I mean. Sitting around, gossiping, reminiscing about the good old days, boozing it up. What would your ideal setting be? Cabin in the woods? Spa weekend at the local country club? Vegas? I think I'd be more inclined to go with the cabin. It's private, you can build fires and chill on the porch, maybe get in the hot tub. Of course, if you factor in horror movie logic, it does increase your chances of dying but doesn't that add to the fun of it all? No? Okay, maybe that's just me.

Five high school friends, Nancy (Jamie Bernadette), Daniela (Katie Carpenter), Gem (Gema Calero), Stephanie (Karishma Lakhani) and Annie (Sharron Calvin), set off for a girls weekend in the mountains. On the agenda, zip lining, kayaking and drinking. When they decide to go on an impromptu hike in the woods, they inadvertently awaken an evil spirit that sends them running for their lives. As they try to escape, they realize that they are only being led in circles. Can they survive or will an all girls weekend become a solo venture?

It's impossible to count the ways that this movie fails but I'm going to give it a try. First of all, the movie poster is utterly deceiving. There isn't a single point throughout the entire film that even comes close to what is depicted in the artwork. Next, the movie becomes completely preposterous the second Nancy joins the party. There is clearly some tension between her and the rest of the group and it's a direct contradiction to her character's attitude to think that she would spend the weekend with these "friends". I'm not talking about just a little dislike here either, these people literally fucking hate each other. I can't imagine there is a person out there that would take off on a weekend getaway with people they despise as much as they seem to. Also, as the group is enroute to their final destination, Daniela suddenly pulls the car over and decides they're all going for a hike in the woods... AND THE REST AGREE! On what planet does that happen?!? They aren't properly dressed for the weather, they have no supplies and someone mentioned lunch earlier and they never ate... NO! It's unfathomable, unrealistic and frankly quite laughable to believe that these women would take off into the woods like that. What else... let's see... oh yeah, for what I'm assuming can only be dramatic purposes, writer/director Lou Simon tosses in a frost bite component that it altogether absurd. In calm winds, a person must be exposed to -22° for a prolonged amount of time to even show slight signs of frost bite. Viewers are expected to believe that it's THAT cold out when you're cast is running around the woods in light jackets and slashed up skinny jeans.

There's no set up to thoroughly explain what's going on. The mere mention and brief talk of a curse is not enough backstory to give the plot even a slight nudge. The acting is terrible. The dialogue is laughable. There is zero character development which makes liking any of them impossible. Normally, I can watch an entire film and eventually find some redeeming qualities but All Girls Weekend has none. At the least it's a waste of 90 minutes. At the most, it makes you question why you even bother watching indie films in the first place.

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