16 October 2013

The Graves 2009 - REVIEW

I've made the comment countless times that just because you have a camera doesn't mean you'll be a good filmmaker. I guess the same can be said for writers. Being a successful comic book creator doesn't mean the next logical jump is filmmaking. Sure, it works for some but so does body suspension but you won't see me hanging from hooks any time soon. 

Abby (Jillian Murray) and her sister Megan (Clare Grant) are two sisters off on one last hurrah before Megan moves off to New York to start her new life. What starts off as a fun filled road trip full of comics and punk music takes a quick turn when they find themselves lost on a lonely stretch of road in the middle of nowhere. When they stop for lunch at a small town diner, they meet a waitress named Darlene (Amanda Wyss) who conveniently points them toward the town's local exhibit, Skull City, an decrepit mining town abandoned back in the 40's. Megan being the dare devil, try anything once sister, convinces Abby to take the tour and off they go. Little do they know they'll have not only human but also supernatural forces to deal with.

There are films that I sit and watch where I spend 90% of it shaking my head and the other 10% wishing I could pluck out and eat my eyeballs so I wouldn't have to watch any longer. There are also films that spend the majority of their budget on "name" actors but don't give said actors the material they need to be the greatness that they are. There are films that should have never been more than a thought in the mind of whoever thought it up. The Graves is all of the above and more.
Watching an actor as phenomenal as Bill Moseley strap on a pig nose and deliver cliche lines while chasing two hot chicks around the Arizona desert was almost painful.  Oh and then we'll bring in Candy Man himself (Tony Todd) and give him this ridiculously cartoonish character and hope that he doesn't strap on his hook and gut us before we wrap. It's beyond blasphemous to me and hurts my little twisted heart.

I really can't fathom what director Brian Pulido was thinking when he put this film together. The whole film was so chaotic that most of the time you're trying to figure out what the hell is going on and not in an "it's hard to follow" kind of way but in a "what the fuck am I watching" kind of way. The ADR was atrocious and the only consistent thing throughout the entire film was how truly awful it was. What's worse is I can't believe that this was selected as one of the "8 Films to Die For" by After Dark Horrorfest. The idea that The Graves is packed in a box next to Kill Theory and The Final should be devastating to horror fans. Unless you're one of those guys/gals who likes to watch ample breasted women run through the desert I'd stay far away from this one. The only thing it does effectively is piss you off.

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