Hatchet II 2010 - REVIEW

If you've followed my sight for very long then you know that I am a huge Adam Green fan. He is quickly becoming a force to reckon with in the horror community. From the original Hatchet to Spiral to Frozen he has consistently given horror fans what they want. The original Hatchet didn't do so well in theaters but gained a huge following once the DVD was released. Green was pelted with requests for a sequel and once again gave horror fans what they wanted. Believe me when I say he knows what we (well most of us) want. A rip roaring good time full of gore and cheesy one liners. He makes me, a child of the 80's, feel like a kid again with his ability to channel the old school style and bring it to life on the big screen.

Once again, we join Marybeth (Danielle Harris) at the exact moment the original ended as she escapes the clutches of Victor Crowley (Kane Hodder). Marybeth seeks out Rev. Zombie (Tony Todd) in search of answers regarding her family's connection to the slasher in the swamp. With his own ulterior motives in mind, he gathers a group of money-hungry hunters and heads off to the swamp to confront the legendary evil.

Before I give my thoughts on the film I have to say that I am seriously disappointed in my local horror community. We got to the theater an hour ahead of start time because I was certain there would be a line of hungry horror fans just waiting to indulge in the gore and mayhem. Turns out it wasn't necessary because we were the only four people in the theater. It was nice because we could kick back and enjoy the film without all the usual distractions but I'd expected to see so many more genre fans come out in support of unrated horror. All the bitching and complaining on Twitter and Facebook about horror not having a voice and this is unfair and that's unfair and we're the only four people in there? WAKE THE FUCK UP PEOPLE! Nothing is gonna change if we keep pussing around and shying away from things we should be standing up for. Ok, stepping off my soap box now.

Keeping with typical slasher format, there really isn't much character development going on but under the circumstances it's not really necessary. Green knows how to make a fun film and if he wanted it to be a likable cast, he'd have written them that way. I often have issues when there's a major cast change in a sequel but veteran scream queen Danielle Harris fit perfectly into the role of Marybeth. Colton Dunn's character Vernon cracked me up every time he appeared on screen. His 'Chicken and Biscuits' song had me rolling. Word is it was completely improvised but I can't say for sure. Parry Shen makes another appearance as the goof ball side kick. Not much different than his role in the original except he may be a little smarter this time around... NAH. AJ Bowen has what will probably go down in horror history as one of the best sex scenes ever. I had hoped he'd have a little more screen time but he made an impression nonetheless. Even Adam Green makes an appearance as a puking Mardi Gras patron. And let's not forget horror veteran R.A. Mihailoff as the take no shit hunter Trent.

Hatchet II starts off rather slow, much slower than the original but rest assured the violence is coming. And while we're on the subject, Green comes up with some of the most creative kill scenes in horror history and apparently scoured the shelves of Fastenal for the biggest chainsaw I have ever seen. It's a good thing Kane Hodder is both Jason and Victor Crowley otherwise there might be a little chainsaw envy going on there. Originally I wasn't convinced that it would make sense for Marybeth to go right back into the swamp after the shit storm she just survived but Green worked his magic and made it plausible. This film is what it is and you know exactly what you're in for when you walk in the theater (well now you have to wait for the DVD - thanks MPAA). Green set out to make a 100% fan film and that's what he did. It's a throwback and a tribute to every slasher before it. Full of grit and guts and campy humor. You're either gonna love it or hate it.

Even though Hatchet II was unfairly pulled from theaters the point has been made. It will still go down in history as one of the few unrated films to show in theaters and all the attention it's getting will bring more horror fans to the DVD once it's released. Whether you're a Hatchet fan or not you have to respect Green for sticking to his guns and fighting for his film to be shown in all it's gory... er... glory. Kudos to him bringing attention to cause of unrated horror. I'm sure it gave him many headaches and caused him much stress but hopefully more indie directors/producers/studios will take a cue from him and fight for the same privileges the bigger budget productions are given.

Unrated Hatchet 2 Gets Pulled From Theaters

I had every intention of sitting down today and busting out my Hatchet 2 review. That was until word came yesterday that the film had been pulled from Canadian and US theaters. I was fortunate enough to see Hatchet 2 opening weekend and I can honestly say as a huge Hatchet fan that I saw NOTHING in this film that should've been edited out to begin with. Adam Green set out to make a silly, campy, gory fan film and that's exactly what he did. He didn't do it for himself, he did it for us... genre fans, film fans, Hatchet fans.

Mainstream Hollywood and the MPAA have appointed themselves judge, jury and executioner. Who are they to say what we can and can't watch? Are everyone of us so totally twisted that we have to be protected from ourselves? I don't think so. For me it's all a matter of what the public wants, not what the MPAA thinks we need. It's pointless censorship and goes against the freedom of speech (just my humble opinion). And really, what difference does it make when unrated DVD's are released everyday? What's next? They come into your home and pull every inappropriate DVD from your shelf and tell you you can't watch it? I think it's ridiculous that big studio horrors can get into theaters with an R rating yet indie films still get chopped to pieces when it's not even necessary.



If you go back and look there are plenty of gore filled films that were allowed to ride out their screen time; Saving Private Ryan, Hostel, The Hill Have Eyes (remake) and Rob Zombie's Halloween 2 to name a few. I find it odd that Adam Green ruffles a few feathers and his film gets yanked before it's ever really given a chance. Yes, it didn't have the best opening weekend but you're talking about a film that's only advertising was internet and word of mouth. There were no TV spots or billboard ads hyping up the film. Want a good example? I guess the most recent would be Uma Thurman's Motherhood. Opening weekend it released on 48 screens and made only $50,000.00. Then it was allowed to run for another two weeks pulling in a measly $11,000.00. That's about $817.73 per screen on a combined average. So, to say that poor performance is the reason it was pulled is just a bunch of bullshit. At least AMC had the balls to make an effort to show it. I've no doubt that the evil MPAA bullied them into pulling it. But again, that's just my opinion and who am I? No one.

I'm proud of Adam Green for taking a stand and putting out a film that his fans asked for and for having the guts to go up against the MPAA and fight for his work. Most people bow down and kiss their asses for screen time. After all, if you create something, don't you want to show it how it's meant to be? I would. Kudos to Adam Green and AMC.

Trick 'r Treat Photo Contest

Hopefully by now you've been fortunate enough to see Michael Dougherty's Trick 'r Treat (2007). Even I, being the horror movie freak I am, hadn't heard of it until last year. I'm not sure if it's because of advertising or if it was just a limited release DVD. Doesn't matter. I've seen it now and can say for sure that it's a very fun, very creepy ride.

Five interwoven stories that occur on the same block, on the same night. A couple finds what happens when they blow a jack o' lantern out before midnight, a high school principal has a secret life as a serial killer, a college virgin might have met the right guy for her, a group of mean teens play a prank that they take too far, and a hermit is visited by a special trick or treater.

So, here's the challenge.... Submit your creepiest, scariest Halloween photos to twistedcentral@gmail.com. We're looking for zombies, slashers, witches or warlocks... any photo that is YOURS. Please do not submit photos found online as they will not be considered at all. The winning photo will be chosen October 15, 2010 so that gives you plenty of time to get them in. The winner will receive a Trick 'r Treat DVD just in time for Halloween. The contest is open to any and everyone BUT keep in mind that the DVD is in standard US format.

Piranha 3D 2010 - REVIEW

As a child sitting as close to the TV as possible watching man eating fish devour everyone in sight, I was in awe of the carnage and mayhem before me. Piranha (1978) proved that you could poke fun at an epic film i.e. Jaws and still end up with campy greatness. As I said in my review of the original film, I was afraid for years to go in the lake for fear I'd become fish food. With Alexandre Aja pulling the strings on the remake, I was hoping for the same outcome. Unfortunately, what I got was a hot mess of T&A, bad scripting, shitty story lines and over acting. I'll give it to Aja, he came through on the death and destruction but even being the Gore Whore that I am, it wasn't enough for me to give the film more than a half nod.

A massive underwater quake unleashes thousands of prehistoric piranha. The timing is perfect as it just happens to be Spring Break and hundreds of thousands of drunk, horny college kids have descended upon the town of Victoria Lake, AZ. Seismologist Novak (Adam Scott) and his team are brought in to surmise the damage. Escorted by Sheriff Forester (Elisabeth Shue) they venture out to the quake area. Two of the team go in and only one comes back (well sort of). The conundrum now is how to get everyone out of the water and off the lake in one piece. It doesn't help that Sheriff Forester's son Jake (Steven R. McQueen) has gone rogue leaving his siblings to fend for themselves, on the lake of course. Throw in Eli Roth and a wet T-shirt contest and even gunshots can't get the sand rats out of the lake.

After the opening sequence with a drunk Matt Hooper (Richard Dreyfuss) in his denim shirt and black knit hat singing 'Show Me the Way to go Home' (real horror fans will get that one) I thought "Oh yeah, this movie is gonna ROCK!". Turns out other than gore, full frontal nudity of Danni (Kelly Brook) and a floating penis, that was the high point of the film. Shue and Scott did a decent job with the shit script they were given. Dreyfuss and Christopher Lloyd had extremely small cameos and ass kicker Ving Rhames wasn't given nearly enough to do. I found Forester to be dull in his character and acting and Jerry O'Connell was so over the top in his portrayal of wild, wild, wild Derrick Jones that I was glad the piranha tested out the how many licks question on his, uh, spirit.

While the film was laden with piranha attacks, people being run over by boats, electrocutions and even a mishap with a cable, OUCH, there was pretty much nothing to the script. The dialogue was so bland and riddled with predictable one liners. It almost seemed like Pete Goldfinger and Josh Stolberg were just trying to fill time in between piranha attacks. As remakes go, it stayed pretty true to the original but then again, the story line can pretty much only go one way. As it were, I'm surprised they didn't give the piranha legs to walk on land with.

The 3D was just awful, especially in the opening sequence. I had to take my glasses off several times to avoid getting cataracts or some shit and spent the rest of the day with a massive headache. On the plus side, the CGI was very good and the piranha attacks were extremely violent. The carnage left behind looked awesomely realistic... not that I've seen a half eaten corpse IRL but I can imagine. There's no doubt, gore fans will dig it. It's not a terrible movie, I've seen worse, but if you're looking for storyline, I'd suggest something different. If all you want is tits, ass and blood, this is definitely the film for you.

Madman 1982 Coming to DVD

It's the final night for the season at a summer camp, and all of the counselors and children have gathered around the campfire to tell ghost stories. The director of the camp tells the story of Madman Marz, a deranged man who killed his family with an axe, not far away from the camp. Naturally one of the kids make fun of the story, but what no one realizes is that the legend is real, and that Madman Marz is still lurking around in the woods by the camp.


A couple of months ago I was channel surfing and came up on this film on Chiller (the best channel EVER... YEAH!). I started watching it and right away I could tell it was one of those campy horror flicks that I love. It was late so I set it to record and watched the rest of it a couple days later with every intention of reviewing it. Well, every day life got in the way and, like I said, months have passed. I searched blockbuster.com and found it wasn't available. I searched a little further and found that it FINALLY has a DVD release date of September 28, 2010. I myself have already reserved my copy and I suggest everyone else do the same!

Piranha 1978 - REVIEW

With the release of the remake to this 1978 cult classic being just around the corner, I figured it was time for a review. I hear people all the time talking about being traumatized by Jaws. How it scared them out of the ocean for some time. Well this film, WAS my Jaws. We didn't live near an ocean so sharks always seemed so mythical to me. But lakes? There were lakes everywhere and we visited them quite often. I can't tell you exactly how old I was when I actually watched this film but I DO remember watching it. I remember refusing to get in the water because I was afraid to get eaten. Hey, I was kid! Cut me some slack!!

When a couple of hikers go missing while trekking through the woods, Maggie McKeown (Heather Menzies), a big city skip tracer, is sent to the backwoods of Texas to find them. Along the way she meets up with Paul Grogan (Bradford Dillman) and convinces him to help her. Grogan leads her to an abandoned military research facility where crazed Dr. Robert Hoak (Kevin McCarthy) is busily conducting a variety of experiments to create a strain of piranha that can survive in rivers and oceans and capable of devouring everything in their path. After finding some of the hikers belongings, they mistakenly drain the pond releasing the flesh eating fish into the local river system. It doesn't take long for them to realize that anyone using the river is in danger, including Grogan's daughter who is at a summer camp miles downstream. The army is brought in to help but seems more interested in covering it up. Especially Colonel Waxman, (Bruce Gordon) who along with Buck Gardner (Dick Miller) has invested a shit load of money into a resort set to open the next day. It's a race against time for McKeown and Grogan to release a poison into the river and stop the deadly piranha before they reach the ocean.

Piranha is fast paced, gory fun that has some stellar effects considering it's rather low budget. Joe Dante is one of the best at turning low budget horror into an instant cult classic. While The Howling remains my favorite Dante film, Piranha runs a very close second. Although stuffed with movie references/jokes in the typical Dante manner, Piranha is nonetheless well-made enough to offer suspense and thrills in between the gags. John Sayles managed to bust out a script that was cliched and campy but also made it work well. It has a fairly strong plot and some hilarious dialogue exchanges. One of my favorite being:
Whitney: The piranhas...
Buck Gardner: What about the goddamn piranhas?
Whitney: They're eating the guests, sir.

Along with McCarthy and Miller are some other recognizable horror faces. Barbara Steele shows up as Dr. Mengers and iconic Keenan Wynn has a small part as Jack, Grogan's BFF. As far as casting goes Dante definitely made good choices. The chemistry between McKeown and Dillman is surprisingly good. In fact, for a campy, low budget horror, the acting is damn good. That's what I love about Dante. He uses what he has, no matter how small, and makes greatness out of it. He doesn't settle for anything less than perfection. It's just a shame EVERY director doesn't follow through that way. Dante knows he's cashing in on all the Jaws fame with this film but doesn't care. He proves that right off the bat with the video game scene.

Bottom line... even after 30 years this film still holds up as a quirky, campy, horrific and fun ride. It's a must see for any horror/gore fan. Especially if you plan to see the remake. I am in no way saying this film is the best ever... it has it's downfalls but all in all, it's just an outstanding movie. It's most definitely one any genre fan should have in their collection.

Camp Blood - Friday the 30th - UPDATE

Well folks it seems this time I'm one of the last to know. I came back from vacation all excited about going to the Camp Blood con in a couple weeks and imagine the buzz kill when I found out it'd been postponed. Seems there has been some inner turmoil that has pushed back the date of the con to May 2011. Bummer, but organizer John Gray has assured everyone on forums and blogs that the show WILL go on.

In the mean time, for those of you flying in anyway, John is working on putting together a little something so that your trip isn't a total loss. Details should post here as they come available. Let's all show him our support and patience as this situation is not of his making.

Slash you all in May!