19 June 2011

The Hole 2001 - REVIEW

I really hate spending my time and wasting my breath by having to repeat myself but who the hell categorizes all these films? Who decides what is horror and what is something else all together? There should be some kind of false advertisement retribution for that shit. There is nothing worse than sitting down to watch a horror film in your jumbo sized adult diaper, waiting to get the piss scared out of you and in the end all you get is a rash. Huh? No one else does that? Awkward.

Liz Dunn (Thora Birch) is a student at an exclusive private school who is head over heels for Mike Steel (Desmond Harrington), a handsome classmate whose father is a well-known American rock star. Liz, however, is self-conscious about her looks and is convinced Mike would rather be with the prettier girls in her class. Liz is also unenthusiastic about an upcoming field trip, in which she and the other students will have to camp out for three days while studying local geography. Liz confesses her infatuation with Mike to Martin Taylor (Daniel Brocklebank), a science-minded geek and longtime friend who happens to be in love with Liz, though she prefers to ignore it. Martin proposes a solution to both of Liz's problems; he's found an underground bunker built during World War II near the school grounds, and he arranges a little party in which Liz and Mike will spend the three days of the field trip in the bunker, with class couple Geoff (Laurence Fox) and Frankie (Keira Knightley) going along, giving Liz a perfect chance to impress Mike with her charm. The students lay in a supply of food, water, and booze to last them for three days, but after 72 hours, they discover they've been locked in, and they're not sure if Martin intends to let them out.

Thora Birch + American Beauty = Greatness. Here, not so much. What was suppose to be an English accent, faded in and out so much that it was distracting. Some scenes, she dropped it all together which leads me to question why they didn't A) cast an actual English person or B) just make her character American. Why bother insulting your audience with a sub par performance? Not only that but she was suppose to be the lead and she was totally out shined by the rest of the cast. Knightley (in a pre-Pirates role) is effective in her role but given that she's suppose to be a snotty mean girl, her character wasn't explored nearly enough to have that come across on film. In fact, none of the characters were really explored at all. It was like pretty face, pretty face, pretty face, pretty face... now let's dump 'em all in a hole and get 'em really dirty. Fox works it out as the goof ball jock dude but again... exploration. And Harrington? Well he made some facial expressions so that was a nice change. BUT, can we say it all together this time..... "EXPLORATION". I had no idea who these people were really suppose to be so why do I care if they're locked in a freaking hole?

The good news? It's over in 102 minutes. The bad news? It's over in 102 minutes. There are so many things wrong with this film it would take two pages and a lot of spoilers to tell you so I'm just going to say this... the title is a good description of the plot. It's sloppily done. There are shots where camera equipment is clearly visible. How do you not catch that shit in post? There is also some very poorly done prosthetic work. OMG, the list of inconsistencies goes on and on. If this film has you on the edge of your seat, it's probably because you're about to get up and walk out. I'd say watch it for yourself but I'm trying to avoid having you guys torture yourselves. You know that stuff that comes out of your mouth if you pour Pop Rocks in there and swish them around with soda? That's what this was. What could've been a great adaptation of Guy Burt's novel 'After the Hole' fizzled into a bubbly mess with no substance.

Plot Synopsis via Mark Deming, Rovi

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